thepainted_lady: ([Amanda] Listen to me)
Happy birthday, sweetheart. Seventeen is a momentous year. I just want to say how glad I am to have you in my life again.

I love you,
Mom

[on the table are gifts: silver bangle bracelets, a "forever my daughter" ring, and a very colorful pair of cowboy rain boots.]

*sighs*

Mar. 19th, 2011 12:19 pm
thepainted_lady: (Always a little apart)
"There is a moment...when you say to yourself 'Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you forever.'" ~ Glee

"I want the fairy tale." ~ Pretty Woman

...I need to step away from the pop culture. All it does is depress me.
thepainted_lady: (Downcast)
What have I done
I wish I could run away from this ship going under
Just trying to help
Hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is, on my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
Cause my best intentions
Keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh how many times will it take for me
To get it right
To get it right

Can I start again
With my faith shaken,
Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay
And face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser, I'll get through this

What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
Cause my best intentions
Keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh how many times will it take for me
To get it right

So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth
That sometimes life isn't fair
I'll send out a wish and I'll send out a prayer
And finally someone will see
How much I care

What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
Cause my best intentions
Keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh how many times will it take
To get it right
To get it right
thepainted_lady: (Touched)
Thank you for the puppy!

<3 you, too. :-D

...Though now I want a real one...
thepainted_lady: (Softly pretty)
[ooc: This isn’t really verse specific, exactly, but loosely based on some RP-ideas she’s done here and there. Mostly, it’s a fic that needed to be written and not intended to dismantle those RPs, even for the sections aimed at each character. They aren’t aimed at a specific muse, if that makes sense? More at an idea of a relationship with the character in a post-canon world. Not me--or her--breaking off specific RPs. The fic has been in my head for a while, but I don’t want other muns coming and going, “OMG is Lydia leaving my muse!” because, no, she’s not. Even if maybe it might be healthiest for her to do so for a while. K? K. *<3’s you all*]

Peter
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection, baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity


The first time he’d shown up at the carnival after everything had settled back into what she had started to think of as 'life after Samuel,' Lydia hadn’t really known what to make of him. )

Sylar
The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay


He’d come back, like some prince on a dark horse. )

Edgar
Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and Uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity


Sixteen years of denial and evasion melted in tears and relief at surviving the most terrifying day of their lives, as words bottled up too long came tumbling out, caught up in clothes discarded by frantic hands and all tangled between fevered limbs. )

Lydia
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightening out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry


She wanted him, wanted to lean on him, wanted to let him become her new Northern star, to lead her and her family through this murky new world, and make everything right in the world again. )
thepainted_lady: ([Sylar] Visions of me and you)
The way you move is like a full on rainstorm
And I'm a house of cards
You're the kind of reckless
That should send me runnin'
But I kinda know that I won't get far
And you stood there in front of me
Just close enough to touch
Close enough to hope you couldn't see
What I was thinking of

Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile
Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down
Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile

My mind forgets to remind me
You're a bad idea
You touch me once and it's really something,
You find I'm even better than you imagined I would be.
I'm on my guard for the rest of the world
But with you I know it's no good
And I could wait patiently but I really wish you would...

Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile
Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down
Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile

I run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild.
Just keep on keeping your eyes on me, it's just wrong enough to make it feel right.
Lead me up the staircase
Won't you whisper soft and slow?
I'm captivated by you, baby, like a firework show.

Drop everything now,
Meet me in the pouring rain,
Kiss me on the sidewalk,
Take away the pain
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile.
Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down
Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile
thepainted_lady: ([Samuel] Things you should know)
Listen,
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start
But can't complete

Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning
To find release

Oh,
the time has come
for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
all cause you won't
Listen....

Listen,
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home, in my own home
And I tried and tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known

Oh,
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice
you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..
thepainted_lady: ([Amanda] Listen to me)
Dear Amanda,

I know there’s a lot you don’t understand--about me, about my life, about why I left, about why I didn’t want you here. The last is the worst, I think. I see it in your eyes every time you look at me, that hurt, the betrayal, the accusation. I’m a bad mother, or I never wanted to be one, or I don’t want you, or ... whatever it is you think. Maybe the first is true...maybe I am a bad mother...but you mustn’t think the other two.

The only thing I ever wanted for you was to be safe, happy, to have everything I never did.

I didn’t know about abilities when I left you with Carol--I didn’t know what I was except that I felt like a freak. She was older and married and able to give you so much I couldn’t--a stable home, a normal home, with two parents who loved you. Because she did love you. I could feel that from her, completely, and her husband was a good man. He wanted to be a good father to you, and that was something that no matter what I did, I couldn’t give you.

Even once I found out about abilities...what life was being the daughter of a single, teenage mother at a traveling carnival compared to a comfortable, cohesive family? You could go to school, have friends, put down roots, grow up learning to ride a bicycle and playing with dolls...We were outcasts, the people society didn’t want, and as far as I knew, you were normal. You had a chance at a life in a world that didn’t want me.

Then I found out you were like me, and, Amanda, you have to know I was going to come for you. I understood--you couldn’t stay there. Carol wouldn’t understand. You’re like me. But the government had been hunting us, and Joseph had been murdered, and there were new people in the carnival I couldn’t trust...Edgar was going to come for you, take you somewhere safe, and I was going to follow. I was going to do my best to find somewhere safe for both of us, to be with you...

But you found me first, and you overheard things that weren’t true, things I was saying to protect you, because I didn’t trust Samuel’s reasons for wanting you with us. You were my daughter, and he didn’t need to be making decisions about you. I had to assure him of my loyalty, though. He’d already taken the money, cut off my one avenue of escape...I had to placate him...to try and think of something else, another way to get to you, to make you safe...

I didn’t mean the things I said. I never meant for you to hear them.

You mean the world to me, Amanda. You’re the one thing I’ve longed for all of my life. Leaving you is the only regret I’ve ever let stay on my mind. You’re the one thing I did right--the best thing I’ve ever done, and I have wanted you with me from the day I walked out of Carol’s door.

I just loved you enough to give up what I wanted in order to try and give you a better life. I never meant to hurt you with that.

I’m sorry. I hope one day you’ll understand, and one day, maybe, you’ll forgive me.

Love forever,
Mom

[Complete list here.]
thepainted_lady: ([Samuel] Not your whore)
Samuel -

I’ve started this a million times, then crossed it out and thrown it away. Trying to put into words what you’ve done, what you did...it doesn’t come, not easily, maybe not at all. Not truly. The words to grasp it, to wrap around it, don’t seem to do it justice. Then, I think, nothing could. It’s something that has to be felt, and I’m not sure you ever could feel it. I know you know what betrayal feels like, and I know you know loss, and disappointment, and what it feels like to love someone who doesn’t love you back, but...

Can you combine them all? Do you have it in you? Did you even realize, ever, what you held in your hands all that time?

I would have given you the world, at a word. My life, my heart, my body, my soul--they were yours for the taking, because I believed in you, believed you were special, believed you could rise above the limitations Joseph put on you, could be the savior you wanted to see yourself as. You wanted to be our Messiah, and I believed you had it in you. I wanted to help you make your dreams come true.

I was foolish enough to believe that maybe, just maybe, those dreams included me. Joseph would never have allowed it, but I thought in taking charge you’d finally claim what had been yours for the taking all along.

Except...you didn’t want me. )

[Complete List Here.]
thepainted_lady: (Downcast)
Dear Gail,

We don’t talk, really. I mean, I’m not sure we’ve ever sat down and actually had a conversation, at least not a real one, deep and true. And yet, you’re family, part of this place, and of us. More than that, you’re a mother--a better one by far than I have known how to be. I watch you with Jennie and I...envy you, having her, having the chance to be with her. You make me realize that maybe I could have done things differently, if only I’d known this place existed.

Even now...you’re the one to have taken Amanda in. You’ve given her a home, a place to sleep, a feeling of stability that she doesn’t seem to get from me. You’re still more of a mother to her than I am, and I don’t know how I feel about that. I’m grateful. I’m jealous. I’m wistful. I wish I knew how to do it. You make it look so easy. I know it’s not.

I wish I had the nerve to actually talk to you about it, to ask you about it, but I just...feel lost, like a failure when I think of it, and I can’t seem to find the nerve to ask what should be the easiest questions in the world.

So....here’s this instead, a cop out, maybe, as a letter, a note slid under your door. I’d like to talk sometime, if you’re willing. I want to be a good mother to my daughter. You know her better than I do...

Can you help me?

Lydia

[complete list here.]
thepainted_lady: (Happy girl)
Dear Jen,

It’s been a standard of our family for a long time to shun the outside world and connections to it. No cell phones, no Internet. These trappings have been something we’ve considered dangerous--a way to track us, to control us, to link us to a world that wanted nothing to do with us. Lately some of that has been changing, lifting, and while I can’t be certain it’s all for the good, it has brought about two things for which I am grateful: It brought my daughter back to me, and it gave me the chance to meet you.

I don’t really have friends outside of the family. Our way of life doesn’t lend itself to that, nor does my own...reticence with strangers, I suppose. Even with the aid of my ability, I find it difficult to open up to people, to let them into my life. But I have truly enjoyed getting to know you, seeing what you have done and accomplished out in the world. We’re so very different, on the surface, and, yet, I feel you understand me in ways I’m not sure many who are closer to me do, and that is a...welcome feeling.

You should come visit some day, to meet the Bowmans, our fire-breathers, and my daughter. Though their abilities aren’t the same as yours, they’re close, and they’re always eager to meet other people with affinity for fire. Amanda, I know, would greatly benefit, as even here I think she still sometimes feels alone, or a freak. Knowing there is someone like you, out there in the world--that she has choices...it gives me hope for her, and perhaps it could give her that hope, as well.

But, mostly, I think I’d just like the chance to sit and talk, to do more than chat randomly as we manage it here and there. I doubt our way of life would suit you for long, but there’s a freedom in it, if only for a few days, to be among people who understand, to be able to be yourself. I’d like to show you that, to show you our world, and to learn more about you and yours.

Maybe one day we’ll find the time.

Until then, I’ll keep looking forward to our chats, and the insights, understanding, and sometimes just fun and silliness that come from them.

All my best,
Lydia

[Complete list here.]
thepainted_lady: ([Samuel] Dead in your arms)
Dear Dreams,

I believed. Despite every instinct that told me not to, I believed up until the end that he could be saved, that we could still find a place in the world. I bought into the fairytale, even after everything I'd seen, that if you were just good enough, just believed hard enough, just worked hard enough...you'd be rewarded, your dreams would come true.

He'd see me there. He'd realize his potential, turn from the path he was on, be the man I believed he could be. We'd be together. He'd stop saying, doing, hurtful things.

I believed.

Hell, I even still believed after the fucking bullet hit me. He'd bring Claire. He'd make sure I was saved. He'd see what had happened. He'd save me.

And then he kissed me.

Let's just say, it wasn't anything like the old song, and everything I'd held on to, everything I'd believed was destroyed, including you.

So don't you dare try and raise your head again now because he's full of pretty speeches about remorse and puppy dog eyes. I'm not the same girl I was before, and I won't be fooled again.

Lydia

[Complete list of letters.]
thepainted_lady: ([Samuel] Not your whore)
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand
Yeah you don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy
thepainted_lady: (The things I see...)


Contemplation is in Your Big Picture



It's likely that you have a lot to sort out right now, and your mind has already begun the process.
Things seem incredibly complicated at the present moment. You know you need to take a deep breath and slow down.

Whatever you are turning over will work itself out, and you trust yourself to come up with the right answers.
For now, you've pulled over from whatever journey you're on, but you'll be back on the road soon enough.


thepainted_lady: (Emerging from trailer watchful)
Pick a Lydia, I'll write you a fic/drabble. I don't promise to get them all done really quick, but I will get them all done. :-D If you write more than one character, let me know which you want with her for that drabble. :-)

1. Playful!Lydia - for [livejournal.com profile] slowlyburn
2. Murderous!Lydia
3. Flailing!Lydia
4. Incarcerated!Lydia - for [livejournal.com profile] doc_suresh
5. Deviant!Lydia - for [livejournal.com profile] keep_them_safe
6. Ill!Lydia
7. Intoxicated!Lydia - for [livejournal.com profile] snarky_blonde
8. Wildly Inappropriate!Lydia - for [livejournal.com profile] im_exhibita
9. Eloquent!Lydia
10. Cooking!Lydia - for [livejournal.com profile] notacompanyman
11. Over-protective!Lydia - for [livejournal.com profile] powered_otaku
12. Wanker!Lydia
13. Silly!Lydia
14. Romantic!Lydia - for [livejournal.com profile] right_handman
15. Silent-Treatment!Lydia
16. Bedtime!Lydia - for [livejournal.com profile] offering_hope
17. Jealous!Lydia - For Samuel, requested by [livejournal.com profile] humanmapquest
18. Inquisitive!Lydia - for [livejournal.com profile] coed_claire
19. Confused!Lydia - for [livejournal.com profile] shades_of_sylar
20. Sexy!Lydia
21. Angry!Lydia - for [livejournal.com profile] heroslayer
22. Dorky!Lydia
23. Working!Lydia - for [livejournal.com profile] coed_claire
24. Needs-a-Hug!Lydia - for [livejournal.com profile] right_handman
25. Choose-your-own!Lydia

Profile

thepainted_lady: (Default)
Lydia

October 2011

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