"I know," she said, voice breaking a little, longing so much to go to him, but not knowing if he'd take any comfort, or lash out at her for being the messenger. She just wanted him safe. The mere thought of anything happening to him...it made her sick, more sick even than it being Joseph's hand doing it. If he were gone, the whole world would be darker, and hers had been dark enough already.

"I don't understand it, Samuel. The things I saw in him...his reasons...there was fear, fear of you, of...what you could be, fear of his...losing control, and resentment at control, and...bitterness at this life, at all of us..." That hurt, too, that the man she'd taken to her heart as a father didn't love this family the way she did, the way they all loved him. That he resented this life they all found as their salvation.