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[Letters] Day 7 - Your Ex-Boyfriend
Jul. 11th, 2010 01:14 amDear Danny,
She’s beautiful. I don’t know if you care, or if you even ever think about us. I don’t know how you couldn’t. We were just kids, then, but now, somewhere in the world, you’re presumably a man. Maybe you’ve settled down, married, have other children--but surely, you must think of her sometimes, if not of me. You had to know I wouldn’t get rid of her, so wherever you are...does your mind rest on her, the daughter we made, the one you didn’t want?
I don’t expect you to think of me. To tell you the truth, I don’t think of you all that often. I thought I loved you, it’s true, and maybe I even did, to some extent, but I was fifteen--what did I know of love? You were an idea as much as anything, and a chance at a life away from the one I despised.
But I never stopped thinking of her, after I gave her up. Did you, after I left? I knew you didn’t want her, that you didn’t want me. I could feel it, sense it deep down inside. You wanted to run. I didn’t want to be abandoned. Were you relieved when you woke up to find me gone? Did you even try to look for me, or did you just continue on your way, one less burden to worry about?
It doesn’t matter, not anymore. I wouldn’t even begin to know how to find you, or where, to send this, but I thought you should know--she found me. I met her. And no matter what a mess we made of each other...we did something right, you and I. She’s beautiful, perfect, everything I could have hoped for in a daughter. I look at her and I see so much of me, but...how I could have been, if things were different. I see you, too. Your sass, your fire, your defiance..maybe some of those were mine, but I learned so many of them from you. She has your eyes, too. Your lips. When she smiles, sometimes I see flashes of you, and I remember.
But only sometimes. Mostly, I just see her. I see the years I lost, and the things I missed out on. You missed them, too. There are so many more you’re going to miss, as well. Does that bother you? She hasn’t asked about you. I don’t know what to say when she does. I’d like to tell her that you loved her, too, but if you had....life would have been so different for us all.
People change, though. They grow up. They regret the things they did when they were careless children, frightened and irresponsible. Have you? Do you?
Maybe one day, she’ll find you, too. If so--I hope for your sake, and hers, you’ve changed, grown. But if not--it’s your loss. Because we created something amazing, you and I, and if you could see her, talk to her, I think you’d see that, too.
Lydia
[Complete list here.]
She’s beautiful. I don’t know if you care, or if you even ever think about us. I don’t know how you couldn’t. We were just kids, then, but now, somewhere in the world, you’re presumably a man. Maybe you’ve settled down, married, have other children--but surely, you must think of her sometimes, if not of me. You had to know I wouldn’t get rid of her, so wherever you are...does your mind rest on her, the daughter we made, the one you didn’t want?
I don’t expect you to think of me. To tell you the truth, I don’t think of you all that often. I thought I loved you, it’s true, and maybe I even did, to some extent, but I was fifteen--what did I know of love? You were an idea as much as anything, and a chance at a life away from the one I despised.
But I never stopped thinking of her, after I gave her up. Did you, after I left? I knew you didn’t want her, that you didn’t want me. I could feel it, sense it deep down inside. You wanted to run. I didn’t want to be abandoned. Were you relieved when you woke up to find me gone? Did you even try to look for me, or did you just continue on your way, one less burden to worry about?
It doesn’t matter, not anymore. I wouldn’t even begin to know how to find you, or where, to send this, but I thought you should know--she found me. I met her. And no matter what a mess we made of each other...we did something right, you and I. She’s beautiful, perfect, everything I could have hoped for in a daughter. I look at her and I see so much of me, but...how I could have been, if things were different. I see you, too. Your sass, your fire, your defiance..maybe some of those were mine, but I learned so many of them from you. She has your eyes, too. Your lips. When she smiles, sometimes I see flashes of you, and I remember.
But only sometimes. Mostly, I just see her. I see the years I lost, and the things I missed out on. You missed them, too. There are so many more you’re going to miss, as well. Does that bother you? She hasn’t asked about you. I don’t know what to say when she does. I’d like to tell her that you loved her, too, but if you had....life would have been so different for us all.
People change, though. They grow up. They regret the things they did when they were careless children, frightened and irresponsible. Have you? Do you?
Maybe one day, she’ll find you, too. If so--I hope for your sake, and hers, you’ve changed, grown. But if not--it’s your loss. Because we created something amazing, you and I, and if you could see her, talk to her, I think you’d see that, too.
Lydia
[Complete list here.]
