From Twitter 01-26-2011

[thepainted_lady]

• 08:11:25: I should turn off Rent. #firstrule
  
• 15:42:04: Apparently my soul is "searching" - I think there's a song about that. http://thepainted-lady.livejournal.com/82772.html #meme #lydiaisbored
  
• 16:10:14: @all_heart Did you? All the same bits, too, or just overall?
  
• 16:13:36: @all_heart *frowns* You're not insignificant, Peter.
  
• 16:16:29: @all_heart It's not how I see you.
  
• 16:23:05: @all_heart Anyone who does is clearly blind.
  
• 16:30:01: @all_heart I think you're incredibly special.
  
• 16:35:25: @all_heart *sighs* It's not a matter of enough, Peter. You're more than enough. It's nothing lacking in you.
  
• 16:41:45: @all_heart I like being around you, even when you're not in a good mood. *reaches to brush fingers down his cheek* Peter...you're amazing--
  
• 16:43:01: @all_heart and possibly the best person I've ever known. I do love you. And if I were someone else, and we'd met in another world...*sighs*-
  
• 16:46:05: @all_heart But I'm me. You can dress it up however you want, but I'm still the same girl who was turning tricks on street corners at 16.
  
• 16:50:40: @all_heart *doesn't pull away, but bites lip* It's not the *past,* Peter. Streetcorners, yeah, but...it's not like I'm in love with Nathan.
  
• 16:59:21: @all_heart *freezes slightly, paling a bit* ...I thought you knew...I mean, it's not a big deal. It's nothing. Just...a courtesy, really...
  
• 17:08:25: @all_heart ...No. I'm not WITH him. He's a...client. Occasionally. Not even that often. Just...You said it didn't matter!
  
• 17:16:16: @all_heart I sleep with a lot of people, Peter! It's my JOB. I don't consider the people I sleep with for MONEY to be the ones I'm with. --
  
• 17:17:10: @all_heart And I don't keep you a secret. I'm pretty sure he knows. Your father did. Samuel does. So no reason to suspect Nathan doesn't.
  
• 17:34:56: @all_heart *bitter little laugh* Believe me, Peter. I don't mean a thing to Nathan beyond what I can do.
  
• 17:41:03: @all_heart No. I'm upset because you swear to me that what I am, what I do, doesn't matter and then...when it's real? It obviously does.
  
• 17:48:10: @all_heart *feels like I've been hit* You're not a job, Peter. Not to me, no matter what they think. How can you even think that?
  
• 18:00:50: @all_heart *shifts closer, tentatively* I don't want to hurt you like this...
  
• 18:10:51: @all_heart *wraps arms tight around myself* Not really? Your father sort of...encouraged it. It amused him. Before I even...met you. I --
  
• 18:12:17: @all_heart have much say, then. Joseph...never let me turn anyone down, and Nathan...he never hurt me, was always nice enough. That was--
  
• 18:12:31: @all_heart pretty rare back then, for me.
  
• 18:18:58: @all_heart You make it sound like it's this...affair. It's not...regular. Not weekly, or even monthly. But...I was, I don't know. 16 or 17.
  
• 18:23:52: @all_heart ...*blinks* ...You think that I'm comparing the two of you and that if so you'll come off unfavorably?
  
• 18:46:28: [Mad Muses] "You're the best friend I ever had" - vampire verse Lydia & Edgar fic--telling him the truth - http://bit.ly/eK8QfX
  
• 18:47:48: @all_heart Nathan *pays* to be with me, Peter. He doesn't *get* to be. What we have is...different. Special. Real. That's just...business.
  
• 19:01:11: @all_heart I've never lied to you, Peter. I love you. Sometimes I think you're the only person in the world who sees me as just...me.
  
• 19:14:05: @all_heart It's not just my job, Peter. There's Samuel. I love you, I do. But...I love him, too. And I owe him...so much and he needs me.
  
• 19:23:53: @all_heart It's not a competition, Peter. Don't...you don't know, okay? Things were...bad sometimes, with Joseph. Really bad. And Samuel --
  
• 19:24:51: @all_heart he took care of me when I didn't have anyone else. Protected me. Got me help, stood up to Joseph...stood up to your *father.* So-
  
• 19:25:29: @all_heart don't say he doesn't treat me right. He treats me just fine. He doesn't make me do anything I don't want to. And he doesn't let--
  
• 19:26:16: @all_heart anyone hurt me, not anymore and never again. You don't know what that means. I never...let you see that.
  
• 19:32:43: @all_heart You were the person I didn't have to...I could forget all the bad things with you. Pretend I was just a girl, not a broken doll--
  
• 19:33:58: @all_heart I didn't want you to see me like that. I wanted one place that was...pure. I've never had that in my whole life.
  
• 19:51:03: @all_heart Do you want to know then? All the sordid little horrors that make me someone no one in their right mind should ever love?
  
• 20:04:53: @all_heart *laughs a little, without any humor* If I wanted to tell you, I'd have told you before, Peter. But you're upset I didn't and I --
  
• 20:05:13: @all_heart don't like upsetting you, and this is...the only thing I can do anything about that does.
  
• 20:26:25: (Giving a warning of potentially triggery conversation coming up if anyone's following Lydia & Peter's discussion-Lydia's past isn't pretty)
  
• 20:27:10: @all_heart *is terrified you'll leave and never come back, and blurts out without thinking* I was eleven the first time my father raped me -
  
• 20:27:50: @all_heart *claps hand over mouth, shocked at myself* ...I've...never actually...said that out loud to anyone...not really...
  
• 20:29:59: @TheWatchmaker (Hugs. I'm apparently determined to break her crossverses tonight?)
  
• 20:40:04: @Timeless_Man That sounds really depressing.
  
• 20:42:46: @all_heart *slides arms around myself, not sure I want to do this, but it's out there now* It was...pretty much a regular thing, after that-
  
• 20:45:08: @all_heart He said it was my fault. That I was tempting him. That he loved me. That I was a...whore like my mother and I liked it. *takes -
  
• 20:46:39: @all_heart a breath* I ran away when I was 15 with a guy who'd just graduated. He liked...that I knew what I was doing at my age.
  
• 21:04:51: @TheWatchmaker Eat! *scolds* *shares strawberries?*
  
• 21:07:46: @all_heart *doesn't know any such thing, but* I guess? It just...it gets..I don't about worse, but...the same things...I got pregnant. And--
  
• 21:08:44: @all_heart apparently that wasn't as sexy. So. The guy just...left. And I was 15 with no money and a baby on the way and I just...ran back--
  
• 21:09:31: @all_heart to Daddy. But...he didn't want me anymore, now that someone else had...*looks away*
  
• 21:18:20: @all_heart *is trying really hard not to cry, but can't quite not at the thought of Amanda* I went to my sister. She couldn't...have kids, -
  
• 21:18:56: @all_heart so after the baby was born...they didn't want me there, but they wanted her. So. I left her there. She's still there. *glances --
  
• 21:19:48: @all_heart at you, a little scared, 'cause, well. pieces coming together, probably* In Connecticut. She'll be 15 this year.
  
• 21:22:41: @all_heart *just nods a little, not trusting myself to say anything for a minute*
  
• 21:33:01: @all_heart *nods a little* Yeah...I just...it was stupid and we can't ever do that again.
  
• 21:41:46: @TheWatchmaker Mmmmm
  
• 21:49:16: @all_heart It would put her in danger. Our world isn't safe for her. And I'm not exactly the role model she needs. I mean, God. The first --
  
• 21:50:21: @all_heart time someone offered to pay me for sex, I thought it was the most brilliant thing ever. I mean--not only did he *ask*--which was-
  
• 21:51:43: @all_heart more than most of the guys I hitched rides with did--he gave me money I needed to eat. But...that's not something I want her to--
  
• 21:53:13: @all_heart know. That I threw myself into prostitution 'cause it was a step up. I mean...I was naive, then. I didn't know...stuff. But still
  
• 22:08:10: @all_heart *didn't deliberately ignore the name question, is just...lost in spiral of worry and shame*
  

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